How I'm raising my kid to have a healthy relationship with food

Disclaimer: I’m not a parenting, food or nutrition expert. I’m just a mom on a mission to help my baby grow up with a healthy relationship with food and sharing some things I’ve learned!

My relationship with food is ____________.

I’m sure most of us don’t have a simple response like “perfectly healthy.”

I suffered under the thumb of an eating disorder for several years. Even when it stopped controlling my life, I subconsciously judged my food choices. Sometimes I counted calories or macros. I thought I was “all better” and in terms of actually having a life-controlling addiction, I was. But I still thought too much about what I was eating. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it was disordered eating ... I was just still spending more mental and emotional energy than I’d like to on food.

Having Memphis is what truly, 1000000000% took my anxiety surrounding food away.

It could be because I didn’t have time anymore.

Or because he was a hungry baby and I just needed to fuel my body constantly to keep up with nursing him.

But I like to think a big part of it is because my overwhelming love for him filled the space that my overwhelming preoccupation with food once held.

Anyway, all this to say that it is extremely important to me that I do everything I can to help Memphis have a healthy relationship with food.

Do I want him to eat veggies? Of course. But I’d rather him have a healthy relationship with food and eat ice cream than an unhealthy relationship with food and eat broccoli. That’s probably an unpopular opinion but one that is based on my personal experiences and mental health, not on physical health and nutrition. 

Enter: Feeding Littles.

I’d been following their Instagram for a while. Then when I was stressing out because Memphis wasn’t eating ANYTHING I made him anymore, I read more about the women behind this brand and what they offer.

Here’s what I love about this duo: they care deeply about a child’s relationship with food, not just whether or not they eat their broccoli.

Judy is an Occupational Therapist and Feeding Specialist. Megan is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist who is passionate about preventing eating disorders. As soon as I read that, I was sold on anything they had to offer. (You can read more about them here.)

If you are a parent or parent-to-be who isn’t sure how to handle food with kids, check out their online programs! I only wish I would have done their baby program so I could have started Memphis on the right track sooner. I definitely made mistakes (without realizing it) early on that I think contribute to his pickiness now. 

Oh well. 

Onward and upward! 

I won’t tell you specific tips I learned in their course because, well, that wouldn’t be fair to them obviously. But I will share a few high-level takeaways that have helped me stress less about Memphis’s diet.

As a parent, your job is to provide nutritious meals. Your kid’s job is to eat them.

I needed to hear this. Whether or not Memphis eats anything I prepare is up to him, not me. It doesn’t mean I failed or that I need to force carrots down his throat. I just need to do my job and relax about the rest. He will learn how to do his job in his own time. He’s a Libra, and he likes to take his time in a lot of things. I love him for it. He likes to be sure.

Not eating is still productive.

I was feeling defeated at every meal. I would try so hard to make a cute little toddler meal I found on Pinterest and he wouldn’t even try a bite. It hurt my feelings, to be honest, and it felt so wasteful to throw away untouched food. A big thing I learned is that exposure is important. It can take a child several exposures before they will even touch a food. And then, when they’re ready, they may touch the food and not eat it. That’s still a big step! 

Food isn’t good or bad.

Remember when your mom/grandma/friends parents/neighbor/random stranger in the restaurant told you to finish your veggies if you wanted dessert? Turns out, that wasn’t the right approach. I don’t blame them, they were doing the best they knew how. I bet some “parenting experts” even suggested the approach. But we know better now.

That teaches kids that broccoli is less desirable than ice cream. Broccoli = bad, I am forced to eat it. Ice cream = good, I get this reward when I am a good kid. Hello! Foundation for an unhealthy relationship with food right there.

Feeding Littles teaches you how to address this in a healthy way. I won’t spill their beans, but if you struggle with this, especially with an older child, check out their programs! Some of the tactics to address this I cannot implement with Memphis yet because he isn’t able to have a conversation about food with us yet. But hopefully with his progress in therapy we will be there soon!

I wish I could say that this program turned my picky eater into a “good eater” but not a lot has changed with him. It has, however, changed with me. I’m doing my job and stressing less about him doing his. 

He has days when he hardly eats ANYTHING. And then he has days where he wants to eat all the things. He still won’t try most anything I cook for him but I always put some of our dinner on his plate anyway. When he’s ready, he will take a bite. Until then, it’s not worth stressing.

After all, he’s not going to be 16 and packing baby food pouches (yes, he still eats these) and canned beans in his lunches.