Midwestern and married without kids (Why I don't have babies)

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes ... life.

Hi. I'm 28 years old, married and don't have children. 

If you're not from the Midwest you might not think that's strange. But there's still a traditional mindset here and the expectation goes something like this:

Go to college. Graduate. Get married ASAP. Have kids shortly thereafter. At least by the time you're 30. 

I think this is why Kansas City is often cited on those "worst cities for dating" lists. Most people are married and popping out babies by the time they can legally rent a car on their own.  

I didn't stray too far from these expectations. I went to college. I graduated. I dated my husband longer than society wanted us to before we got engaged ("Finally!" was a common reaction), but I was 24 when we tied the knot so I was still OK by most standards. 

But now I'm 28. My husband is 30. We've been married more than three years and we don't have kids. And oh my goodness we are not meeting the expectations of Midwest society. 

I think maybe we should start paying ourselves $1 every time someone asks us when we are going to have kids to help build up a college fund for our future little one. And I have to wonder if when it does happen, we will get the same "Finally!" reaction we received after announcing our engagement.

Who decided we need to have kids right now? Where did these rules come from? And why do people think it's so wrong for us to break them?

Here's the deal. I like kids. And we want kids. Someday. But we will have them when the time is right. And I'm not sure when that is, but if anyone is truly concerned about this you should talk to God because he's the one with the plan. Not Midwest society. 

We are happy right now. My husband and I are both in a period of growth, as individuals and as a couple. We — two recovering stress addicts — are enjoying each day, striving to live in and for the present moment. Sorry not sorry if that doesn't work with Expectation's agenda for us. 

This is starting to get ranty. 

I don't mean for this to sound like a rant. That's not my intention. My intention is to question "ideals" and "standards" that the status quo determined, and ask you to do the same. 

I have friends who have children and who are incredibly happy. I have friends who are single and don't have children and are also happy. And we are married and without kids and we are happy. All different situations. All happy. Weird. I guess we don't all have to be the same. 

Someday we will have kids. I look forward to it. And honestly at this moment I don't know if it will be a month from now or 10 years from now. But I know that when it happens, it will be because we want it and the universe wills it. Not because of our birth dates and marriage tenure. 


Cara McDonaldmidwest