{Poem} I'll be happy when ...

I’ll be happy when I get married.
When he changes his ways.
When we have children.
When the children move out.

I’ll be happy when I lose these extra 20 pounds.
10 pounds.
5 pounds.

I’ll be happy when I get a new job.
If I get promoted.
When I retire.

I’ll be happy when the summer comes.
As long as my body is bikini-ready.
And the temperatures stay below 90.

I’ll be happy once I free up some time.
Finally get organized.
Pursue my passion.

I’ll be happy when I buy a house.
With a walk-in closet.
Plenty of space for my collection of “someday I’ll fit into them again” clothes.
And rugs I can sweep my burdens under —
Walking over every day, pretending I don’t know they’re there.

I’ll be happy when I become That Girl.
But not just That Girl. The
That Girl that’s ever been.

I wonder what would happen
If I decided 
I’d be happy when it’s pouring down rain.
When I’m alone.
My clothes are snug.
My rent is overdue.
And my house, messy.

What if I decide to be happy now?
In this imperfect moment?

Maybe this—now—is enough.
Maybe I’ll be happy when I decide.
Maybe I’ll choose now.

As soon as ...


(CC photo via Francisca Ulloa on Flickr.)