Real talk: This yoga teacher is off balance
I was scrolling through my Facebook feed when I saw this lovely little post on Yogi Times’ page with 12 zen things:
As I read through the list I checked imaginary boxes in my head. I’m like, so zen. I bet I do all of these things. But a huge red flag went up. Uh oh. No I don’t.
I’m always busy, and I’ve always accepted that as OK because “I like being busy.” But is that really why? Now I’m asking myself all kinds of questions.
Am I filling my schedule to avoid something?
Am I missing out on life because I’m going from thing to thing to thing with little “space between things”?
Am I doing things “completely”? I fear I am not giving my best at all times.
This blog is called Balance in the ‘Burbs. And yet I’m off-balance. Go figure. I find that generally the things people preach about the most are the things they need to work on the most. So I admit it: I’m off-balance.
“Beware the barrenness of a busy life.”
The internal battle I’m facing right now is that
- I really do enjoy being busy. (Or do I?)
- Teaching yoga and writing this blog make me incredibly happy and consume a lot of my time. I have a 9-to-5 job yet I’m just not willing to give up yoga or the blog. Or, you know, my job — the thing that provides the money I need to do all these wonderful things.
I don’t have a nice little conclusion to this post, as I’m still working to resolve this sticky situation. First, I’m going to investigate No. 1 above. Is it true that I enjoy being busy? Or am I staying busy to avoid something? I’ll be asking God, my therapist and myself for guidance on that one. I don’t know the answer right now.
As for No. 2 … I’ll address that after No. 1. Just like the zen list from the beginning of this post says: “Do one thing at a time.”
If the answer to No. 1 is truly that I just enjoy being busy, No. 2 is mute.
But let’s say it isn’t.
Let’s say I need to scale back and “put space between things” so that I can do things “slowly and deliberately” and “completely.” Then I face the challenge of what. What do I cut out?
It seems like a huge challenge but now that I think about it, what a wonderful challenge to have. I mean, I love all the things in my life so much that I don’t want to cut anything out. That’s pretty rad. Here just 10 minutes ago I was decorating for a pity party because, “OH POOR ME I HAVE TOO MANY WONDERFUL THINGS IN MY LIFE.”
Wah.
Maybe this is a first world problem. Or maybe even a suburban yoga teacher problem. But it’s a problem in my world and it needs to be addressed. If you have any insight or guidance, please share!
I’ll keep you updated on my progress/discoveries. Until then, don’t be surprised if you see me teetering in balance poses on the mat.